As you may be aware by now, PutinMania 18 is at our front steps inching its way to us. With Russia being that much closer, I figured I’d fire up the ole blog machine to give you some insight on L Tri’s matchup with “Mighty Mighty,” Germany. This blog comes after a not-so disappointing performance el Profe. Osorio’s squad put up against Scotland. Yes, I felt how I feel after finishing up a package of Oreos, somehow still wanting more. BUT, after some analysis (downing about 4 IPAs) I’ve come to a conclusion that not even Hawkeye would see coming. Using my best Churchill impression (aka impersonating a drunk old homeless dude with poor command of the English language), “We shall fight them on the beaches, we shall fight them on the landing grounds, we shall fight them in the Russian Pubs, in the locker rooms, in the hallway before getting on the field. We will out drink them, we shall out eat them, we shall out think them. But most importantly, we shall not get our asses handed to us before the 10th minute.” At least I think that is how it went.
I know what your thinking, “What the fuck am I doing on this website again, it’s not even a Dot Com anymore. Cheap bastard couldn’t afford his own domain.” You’d be right. But you’re also thinking, “But Señor Bautista, how on earth do you expect Mexico to hold its own against Germany?” Its a simple answer really, Germany is overrated.
*Reader leaves website*
That’s right! I said it! You weren’t thinking it, but I have the guts to say what everyone needs to hear. GERMANY IS BEATABLE!!! And not just by Brazil or Argentina and France.. etc (all the good teams). Little ole Mexico can have a good game against Germany, and surprise the hell out of everybody. Look I get it, how can I have any credibility after dropping a statement like, “Germany is overrated,”? It’s important to note that there are facts to look at before you judge me for being a brain dead idiot. Some may be alternative facts, but if that phrase is good enough for the White House, than its good enough for me.
First we need to discuss the “beat down” everyone likes to mention.
Fact number 1: Germany World Cup Squad > Germany Confed Cup squad. We all know that both teams are good, but the difference between both squads is one is filled with future World Cup winners and the other is, oh shit, I guess they are pretty much the same. Point being that one is hungrier than the other. Germany’s Confed squad had a point to prove. Everyone doubted them because they were the “B squad.” Zero losses later, they showed that they can compete with anyone. The point to why Confed Cup is relevant, is because my little friend that scratches his business and takes a quick whiff. Joachim Low is the end all be all. As great as Germany is talent wise, Low is the conductor that runs it all. Now, this is judging by Loew using their nearly patented 4-2-3-1 formation every game since last they played against Mexico, with the exception against Azerbaijan. They will probably look to counter attack against Mexico like they did last game, letting Mexico beat themselves. Their ability to counter attack would’ve made William Wallace look like a little bitch in the 1300’s.
Point Number 1: Germany capitalizing off Mexico’s shit-for-brains plays resulted in all 4 goals and what should’ve been 6 goals if Werner and co didn’t miss the mark. Here’s to hoping Moreno and Salcedo do not make stupid mistakes like leaving the center back position to lose an aerial ball at midfield. So what is different you may ask? While Mexico of course. Osorio has gotten off the track of throwing in Layún to play right back. While Layún has played in that position before, his defensive awareness is shittier than a porta potty at a Food Festival. El Profe has been giving him a lot more opportunities in an advanced midfielder position which has resulted in a much more positive impact. Add to that a Super Chucky, more in form Vela, an available Tecatito, in form Gallito and Pizarro, hopefully a cleaned up Moreno, no Alanís fucking shit up at LB, and best of all, Diego Reyes might not be healthy in time for the game. YES! And while it is true that Mexico lost by 3 goals, Mexico also controlled most of the game and did not hide in its turtle shell at all. How about holding over 60% possession against Germany a feat that only Mexico and Chile have, over the span of 24 games (probably more but too lazy to research). Add to that 26 shots Mexico had on Germany, the most they’ve received in that 24 game span. I don’t want to be optimistic, but if Putin was able to rig a WC host, a WC group, ANNNDDD an election in another country, then Mexico can rig one game against Germany. Come on you Burrito eating parranderos!!!!!
Fact Number 2: Germany might be the worst team in the world right now. Oh didn’t see that coming did yah? Poor little Neuer just played his first game in 8 months and boy oh boy, he still has yet to reach Manuel Neuer stage. For now we’ll call him lil Manny N. Also, let’s not forget to mention that Germany hasn’t won a game since last October versus the teachers and cooks from Azerbaijan. They may have well just played the local YMCA soccer team for a more competitive team. Meaning they haven’t beaten a REAL opponent since beating non-World Cup participants Chile. If you’d ask me, Germany might come into the Mexico game as underdogs. Matter fact they’d be lucky to get out the group. Imagine taking a team to the World Cup and deliberately leaving Leroy Sane out. Despicable stuff.
Point number 2: Form is KEYYY! Let’s take a look at teams that were shitty prior to their important games. 2014 England prepared with games against Ecuador and Honduras, two ties later, BOOOM out at group stage. Italy that same year tied with Ireland and LUXEMBOURG!! 2010 France tied with Tunisia and took a big fat L to China, BOOM 1 point in the group. The opposite? Spain won its last 12 games in 2010 prior to the World Cup. Championship. 2016 Portugal won 3 of last 4 games before the Euros. 2014 Argentina won both its preparation games by more than 3 goals, WC Finals appearance. 1984 Jim Valvano’s Wolfpack won its last 12 games before the NCAA tournament, champions. It pays to finish the season strong before the tourney. Momentum is a hell of a thing along with cocaine.
There you have it foos ball fans, to recap, Germany stinks, Mexico stinks but just enough to tie with Germany. All will lead to the inevitable 3-0 loss to Brazil in the knockout stage. Oh elusive 5th game, how I long to see you. Maybe I write a blog on my predictions for the World Cup, probably won’t. Here’s hoping the stars line up for a terrible blog. Don’t forget to tweet me your displeasure with this blog @SenorBautista on the tweety. Annnnnnddddd….. 10 more days til PutinMania 18 let’s gooooooooo!
