USWNT beats Brazil: Does Alex Morgan have the Clutch Gene?

/ American Soccer, International Soccer, USWNT, Women's National Teams / By

We are a couple of months out from the World Cup this summer, and I’ve got to admit it, these past few games have been, shall I say, eyebrow-raising. Look, I get it, these games have not been against pushover teams. I wouldn’t expect us to go and smash a team like Japan 5-0. I think we all know these teams are more than capable of being serious World Cup contenders. Maybe it’s because we are spoiled. We win a couple gold medals, a recent World Cup Championship, and dominate the CONCACAF, and we expect the world from them. And we always want MORE!

Isn’t it funny to think a team that has lost 2 games since March of 2017 have looked, “Not in Form,” this year with a record of 2W-2D-1L? My brain is on that weird fence of, “Yeah, they really didn’t look 100% there,” and “R-E-L-A-X!!!” I know what you’re thinking, “I thought I came here to read about Alex Morgan’s jeans.” But you’re also thinking, “We really can’t afford to be experimenting with the lineup, 3 months before the World Cup.” Well first, I get you might enjoy a bit a fashion, but I’m talking about Alex Morgan’s clutch gene. Also, these matches served as huge stepping stones to better understanding these potential opponents in the WWC playoff rounds. Gee, I wonder if the #USWNT twitter community was happy or not about Mallory Pugh playing in the midfield…

But, you’re not here to read about a recap of last night. You’re here for my thoughts on Alex Morgan. You see, I’m a pageviews whore. And when Alex Morgan scored that 99th goal, my eyes lit up faster than Real Madrid firing another coach for their crap performances. I knew it was my chance to create a post that, while unfunny and full of bad grammar, would create a decent amount of page visits. I’m talking 6 maybe even 7 visitors in 1 day. Bananaland numbers. So there I was, pre-writing a blog congratulating Alex Morgan on her amazing feat (as in feature you sickos, not Alex Morgans feet. <– great SEO keywords by me.)

Anyway, I sat there and watched the England game. Everything was well until Megan Rapinoe selfishly took a volley shot, rather than passing it to a semi-covered Morgan. I felt a bit of anger build up inside of me. “We’ll get another chance,” I said to myself. And we did. As soon as the 2nd half started, Morgan gets a clean look at a volley of her own just in front of the net and skies it. I swallow my vomit as I try and keep it together. Not long after England take the lead. “Alright. Time to boot up the old laptop, because nobody can deliver in the clutch like Morgan. We’ll have another Olympics game-winning goal like she had against Canada.” I contemplated dubbing her the nickname ‘The Mail Carrier,’ because she almost always delivers.

Except this was a Saturday. I knew that mail carriers often slacked off on the weekends. Tobin Heath ties the game, and the stage is set for another Alex Morgan game-winner. But it didn’t come. The whistle blows and we’re onto the Brazil game. Surely having her club teammate Martha there would elevate her game, and I’d be oh so close to those multiple user page views. In the first minute PENALTY! Momma, we did it! We’re an Alex Morgan pk away from stardom. But the ref must’ve swallowed her whistle or something because it wasn’t called. The hate Pugh has been getting was all for nothing. 15 minutes later, Heath has Morgan in the box and takes one of the bush league-iest shots ever. Later in the game came a header. The ball was in there air and I was just about ready to click on the publish blog button. It drifts wide right and I can feel urine running down my leg as that window of stardom is ever so close to getting shut down.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRAoBV0oXoM?start=66]

And so concluded the game, and my blog hopes were shattered, momentarily of course. We all fully expect Morgan to get that 100th goal, it’s all a matter of when. And with the USWNT not playing for another month, that Alex Morgan blog will remain in my blog drafts. Collecting dust, crying itself to sleep every night knowing it won’t see the light of day until Alex Morgan can score that 100th goal. Rumor has it that it finished 2 pints of cookie dough ice cream after the game, just trying to drown out its sorrows with its love of ice cream. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS ALEX!! Let the blog live! Score that 100th goal!

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