Boom! First weekend back from the international break, and we had a pretty solid weekend. Some teams are still finding out who they really are, others try to escape reality but just can’t, and others seem to exceed high expectations that weren’t really set for them. Couple things to note. Dembele finally made his Barcelona debut after his majestic keepie-uppies during his player presentation
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hP9pEpCwggE]
Other debut is the prodigy of France, Kylian Mbappe, to stunted all over FC Metz in his PSG debut. After multiple rumors of Mbappe leaving Monaco, he took a deal to join Neymar in creating a half billion dollar attack. SAD. Anyway, onto the RYG of the weekend. (For those of you that don’t know, RYG stands for Red Card, Yellow Card, and Goals.) But, I trust you already knew that.
Goals
Goal number one is for Lionel Messi. After losing his bae Neymar to PSG, and Suarez to injury, Messi was stuck playing with Paco Alcacer and Gerard Deulofeu. Life comes at you fast folks. One minutes your part of the greatest Trio that ever walked the earth, the next you drag around your little brothers everywhere you go. DAMN YOU MOTHER!! Any who, Lionel Messi was coming off a less than adequate play with Argentina and came to smack Espanyols dick off. His boo, Luis Suarez came back, and got some help off the bench from Dembele, and Messi skyrockets to a hattrick in the absolute domination of Espanyol. Visca Barca, Messi is back. Our second goal is for the effort of Mark Uth. Chances are you have no idea who Uth is, and probably will forget who he is by the end of this blog. To be quite honest, Mark Uth might be the most forgettable name I’ve ever heard. Nevertheless, Uth, a TSG Hoffenheim player, used his forgettableness to pull a quick one on Bayern Munich, and take a lead that eventually was never lost. The controversy being that there was another ball on the pitch, when Hoffenheim threw in the ball for a quick score. Though Bayern played a much better game than Hoffenheim, we salute Uth’s efforts that got them the win. Cheers to you Mark Uth, the most forgettable name ever. Now that I’ve Uth’s name enough for you never to forget him, I introduce a new character, the third winner of our Goals, Ivan Perisic. In Internazionale Milano’s 2-0 win against S.P.A.L., Perisic shot a screaming volley that god himself would not block. Please enjoy it in all its fantasticness
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VDoD25m1CE]
Yellow Card
If your reading this, I ask you seek medical attention because that essay above was brutal. No seriously, why are you still reading. Yellow Card for you my friend. Another yellow card is for Robert Lewandoski. Lewandowski was quoted in saying that Bayern needs to sign more World Class players. Biccchhh Whaaa??? Have looked around the lock around like ever. I would argue that Bayern has the deepest bench in the world. You got players like Ribery and James Rodriguez and Koman sitting every weekend. What the fuck are you talking about?? This is a team that lost a collective 7 games all of last year. SEVEN!!!! Why don’t you shut the fuck up and focus on scoring goals, something you didn’t do in that last game. The last yellow card is for Jose Fransico Canales of Lobos BUAP in the Liga MX. Big time fail. Only a yellow because the rain was a little factor, but still unacceptable.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSnJHCLBbcw]
Red Card
Only one red card here. It goes to the Mighty Liverpool that went out and gave a collective break down. They went and embaressed themselves so bad, it made Steven Gerrard roll around in his bed. Truly awful. All of it really started after my former Southampton prodige, Saudio Mane went full Eric Cantona Kung Fu Panda on Manchester City’s goalkeeper Ederson. It’s typically not a good sign when you go out and break another players jaw. No more evidence is needed than that. You can’t go around putting your cleats in a players face, and not be sent off. So Klopp, Mane, Chris Sutton, Jermaine Jenas, Robbie Savage, and Steffen Freund can all stick their poor takes back up their asses. It was a red card, and any other result would be incorrect.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tralbExnEA4]