As you may have heard, our dearly beloved hero (and GOAT) has decided to jump ship and find a new team. No, I’m not talking about Lebron (again except for that GOAT part). For the first time in my lifetime, the best soccer player in the world won’t be in a Barcelona uniform. Honestly, I’m a bit distraught. Not in that I’ll miss Messi at Barca or anything, it’s that we won’t get that yearly, “Is This The Year Messi Leaves Barcelona?” debate. It’s actually happening folks, and I can’t think of a better place for this man than in the good (sometimes) ol’ US of A.
Now, if you’re unlucky enough to have visited this website before, you’d know that the last time I pitched somebody something, this happened.
“Can you write for us? We can’t pay but we can provide valuable exposure” pic.twitter.com/DCZV5OBFdM
— Aaron West (@oeste) May 11, 2020
While I may not be good at it, it doesn’t mean I can’t try again. Let it be known, I would like to take 100% of the credit if Leo decides to someday play in the MLS be it in 2021, or 2025. Without further ado…
Dear Leo,
I know times have been rough in Barcelona. Lifting 12 trophies in the last 5 years just isn’t enough for a player of your caliber. And only $26 million a year? What type of organization has Barcelona been running? I understand most of your frustration stems from the laughable product Barcelona has surrounded you with.
Maybe parting ways from that rugged old has been of an organization is the spark you need for your career. Where once you were viewed as far and away the best player in the world, the media introduced to fans that your greatness should be doubted. That you haven’t seen anything like the EPL. That Italy is a far more competitive league than in Spain. Hell, even that deadbeat Ronaldo is trying to recruit you to Juventus, kinda.
While you may think that those doors may be enticing for your career, there is only one league in this world that will leave you free of criticism. No media meatheads to question your skill (just ignore the redhead idiot). No racist ass fans to make you feel unwelcomed (except the city we’re all thinking of). The US can be your home away from home.
You can call home, places like, NYC where you can walk down the street and experience what it’s like to be common folk. Walking amongst the trash-filled curbsides, rat filled streets, and humans that simply don’t care enough about who you are. A place like Chicago, where you can visit a shiny bean, wear one of the greatest logos of the 21st century, or experience some of the most bi-polar weather on planet earth. A place like LA, where the weather is nice, superstars are allowed to shine in the presence of 50K homeless people, and where you personally help with city finances by paying parking tickets. Or, best of all, you can be the best of pals with one mister David Beckham and live in Miami. Home to beautiful women, beautiful beachfront properties, and the finest of cocaine you could ever sell.
I hereby promise that if you, Lionel Messi, choose the MLS as your new stomping ground, you’ll never hear a peep out of me and this website. Where I pride myself on being 95% honest, I’ll overlook the fact that you’re at the tail end of your career, that you sometimes go into hiding when things aren’t going great, that you may or may not have called out your teammates, that you don’t seem like a great leader, that you pee sitting down or that I would rather trust Josef Martinez and that ridiculous jump than you to take a penalty. None of that.
Love,
LunacySoccer