New FIFA World Rankings Are Out

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Let’s be honest, these rankings don’t really mean shit. It’s just another dick measuring contest between fans. “Oh Yeah! Well, we are ranked 14th on the World Rankings! Where’s your team? 15th?? Loser!” It’s a really easy way to lose a relationship with your international buddy. Especially if he/she is a proud patriot of their nation. But really, unlike any other Power Rankings, recent results don’t mean anything. Take Chile for instance. Last time around, they ranked 7th. The recent World Cup qualifiers past by, and they shit the bed. I’m talking major spillage. And they move down a measly 2 spots down to 9th.

Look, I get it, Chile won’t go and get another Goose Egg next time around, most likely. But you can’t go around saying you’re the 9th best team in the world, and put out sorry performances vs Paraguay and Bolivia. Common sense says we should throw them down to the dungeon pitts of 20-30 places. Not just slap them on the wrist and say, “No! Bad Boy!!”

Oh well, there you have it. Your new top 20. Important things to note

  • Switzerland takes 6 points with 6 goals and they drop 3 places??? Wtf.
  • France and Spain not in the top 5 is laughable.
  • Big jumps for Belgium and Portugal. Well deserved.
  • Good ole US of A dropped down 2. Also after some disappointing performance

There you have it people. Rejoice in your nations ranking. Just remember it doesn’t mean shit.

Ps. Mexico is 14th, suck it.