When I woke up Saturday morning, I knew from the very beginning that the day would be full of surprises. Unlike the mucus and snot oozing out of every hole in my body, I knew I would be able to handle these, “surprises.” Because if you were a loyal reader of this blog (which would make you loyal reader #2 behind my mom) you would have read my MLS Season Preview and would have been caught up on what to look forward to this season. My initial thoughts on this MLS opening day is…”A semi-success.” Essentially, opening day should be a tryout weekend for European soccer fans, and non-soccer fans. It is trying to keep both those fans throughout the whole season by showing them what the MLS is. In terms of accessibility, multiple nationally televised games, most of which were quality games, was great to see. But there are specific things which I want to address.
MLS Debut’s All Across the Board
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hez8k3ZFVX8]
I think the biggest MLS debut this weekend was that of FC Cincinnati. Where they started off HOTTER than a European Star Instagram “friend”. However, they went up against my pick to win the MLS Cup this year, SEATTLE! SEATTLE!! And the sad reality is…Cincinnati is going to have a rough year. Cinncy was hit with more shots than we saw during the Jon Jones vs Anthony Smith fight later that night. Other debuts included 16yo no that’s not a typo SIXteen-year-old Efrain Alvarez debuted with the LA Galaxy Saturday. I remember when I was 16. Young, dumb, and full of (I’ll let you fill in the blank). Anyways, when I was sixteen, I was hanging out with my buddies, trying to buy medicinal from every senior in high school, and unsuccessfully trying to woo every girl in class. Efrain is casually playing professional soccer, and immediately dishing out an assist to tie the game. We also saw goals from Marco Fabian and Carles Gil (who is supposed to suck WTF Carles).
Shitty Refereeing
As a strong proponent for VAR, boy oh boy did we start off on the wrong foot. To start off, we have one of the worst penalty calls really ever. It’s one thing to go and call a bad penalty, it is another to review the call, and STILL CALL A PENALTY! Later on, Rapids defender, Axel Sjoberg saw a red card for a handball which in my opinion is a penalty, but nowhere near a red card. There was also a mad offside call against NYRB which for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t reviewed. Hell, we even had a referee fake an injury to avoid making a bad judgment call later on. You truly do hate to see it. You really expect me to believe to pulled a hammy after hours of stretching and warm-ups? Yeah okay.
Michael Bradley, to be the new Giovinco at TFC?
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfWCuxhky1Y]
I think we can all admit that while TFC’s offseason was shit, for example losing Giovinco, getting crapped on by the Las Vegas Lights, and eventually getting eliminated in the Concacaf Champions League in the first round by a Panamanian team, their performance vs Philadelphia Union was okay. I won’t go as far as to say that they’ll contend for an Eastern Conference Championship, but I really do believe they’ll surprise folks. Laurent Ciman was a huge acquisition for them after their certainly leaky defense last season. They also just announced the signing of Alejandro Pozuelo. I think the biggest key this season for them is to keep Jozy Altidore from leaving in the summer. Altidore has been incredible for them the last couple of years with Giovinco, and maybe he creates more magic with Pozuelo. Also, if one of the players on the roster can grow a pair and successfully make a penalty shot that would be great.
Atlanta United collapsing?
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqO1b3GQjks]
Matchday 1 went about as poorly as possible for the defending champs. You’ve got to think shit is going bad when you can’t take 1 shot on target the whole first half. Think about it. A team that was nearly at full strength with Barco, Nagbe, oh and some dude named Josef Martinez put up a donut on shots on target for a whole 45 minutes. Really a gruesome performance by Atlanta after clinching round 2 in the CCF earlier this week. But I fear for them. They now go on to play Monterrey who is coming off a win against Mexico’s BIGGEST and MOST POPULAR team, former CCF champions CD Guadalajara Chivas. Monterrey haven’t lost since December, and if Atlanta doesn’t get their shit together, they’ll be looking at another L themselves.
On the other hand, DC United looked FANTASTIC. Luciano “he almost played for PSG” Acosta balled the F out. Wayne Rooney was typical Wayne Rooney, showing how much better he is than the rest of the league, Arriola is looking great, and the defense did their thing. DC is the first team to record a clean sheet this season, against the defending champions no less. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep DC United on the radar for Eastern Conference Champions. I cannot stress that enough. Not because they beat Atlanta, but because from now on, the comments will read, “Yeah but can they go into Audi Field and win on a cold rainy night.”
There you have it folks. Matchday 1 is in the books. DC United launch themselves into championship contention. Mexico vs United States rivalry is back. Expect to see more shitty refereeing, bad goalkeeping, and more talk about, “The US should have promotion and relegation added. Oh, and before I go I have an important announcement to make.
Breaking News: I succeed my battle against Don Garber on not starting the season in August like the rest of the world. You win this round… https://t.co/jviSkq3Ln2
— Snacks Bautista (@SnacksBautista) March 3, 2019