Louisville City clinched their 2nd USL Cup championship in a row last night by defeating the Phoenix Rising. Many have speculated whether or not we have seen Didier Drogba’s last soccer game. It’s not often we get to see legends of the game retire in places of prestigious soccer memories. From now on we will hold on from tears from dripping down our faces as we think about, Paolo Maldini leaving the San Siro, Xabi Alonso and Lahm leaving the Allianz Arena, Fat Ronaldo at the Pacaembu, and now Didier Drogba at Louisville Slugger field? But on a more serious note, I feel all the speculation on Drogbas retirement is really sweeping aside what Louisville City accomplished this year. Not only did they ball the f out through the whole regular season, but they absolutely dominated the USL playoffs scoring 12 goals and coinciding only 2. I haven’t seen domination of some balls that much since Rick Pitino hir….. oh never mind. Because that’s what this team did, it gets the ball and puts it in the net better than anybody in the league (no shit Sherlock). And I get it, they played the Richmond Kickers twice this year, but that doesn’t take away from how dominant they were this year.
Now I know what your thinking, “Dammit, is this unfunny loser still alive,” but your also thinking, “Why isn’t Louisville jumping to the MLS if they dominate the USL so much?” I’ll tell you why, person that has nothing better to do than read an article on this website. It’s because Don Garber is a class A big dumb dumb. I mean, yes, what the MLS has been able to do in the little years that it’s been up is incredible. The growth is awesome to see, and like everyone else, I’d love to see more. But his stance on not going with the Promotion-Relegation system is just him being a big dumb asshole. Literally every successful league in planet earth implement it, why would the MLS be the anomaly (three dollar words, you like what you see) ? I fact, I would bet that there are Alien planets out there, probably playing soccer with pro-rel thinking to themselves, “Man throwing our sons Messi and Ronaldo on that loser planet sure has worked out nicely.” But there also thinking, “Boy, is that Don Garber an idiot.” That alien species only uses the best words. But enough about those conceded, balding, idiots, let’s get back to Don Garber. I know that there are people who are strong against Pro-Rel but literally there are no benefits to not implement it. You really think MLS viewers want to watch, the Colorado rapids and, up until Almeyda was hired, the San Jose earthquakes? Get the Pro-Rel going you coward.
But I digress, congratulations to the Louisville Kentucky Derbies or whatever they’re called. Also I’m not going to go on another Rant, but the USL trophy could use another trophy, because the current one looks like the most generic soccer trophy on the history of earth.