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Well well well… fancy seeing you here. Seems like you are interested in seeing what all this NWSL hype is about. Hey, ain’t no shame in admitting that you’ve got no clue what this NWSL stuff is. Maybe you’ve just learned about the league after seeing that the FIFA Women’s World Cup is coming up this summer. Or perhaps you’ve just started playing FIFA with whatever the hell these things are.

Just a disclaimer, this is an idiot’s guide written by a fellow idiot. You’re amongst friends on this website. Also, some of these paragraphs might but shortened. Yoast SEO is telling me nobody wants to read my blogs as it is.

Possibly The Most Important Off-Season For The Next 5 Years

TBH, what transpired this offseason featured some groundbreaking stuff and some critically necessary stuff.

Who can forget, we saw the beginning of a new era in the NWSL. An era that sees the implementation of free agency to the NWSL, or as I like to call it, “the Racing Louisville killer.” Free agency saw some big moves including Debinha signing with Kansas City Current, Kelley O’Hara going to Gotham City FC, and the Red Stars getting fed to the piranhas and losing their entire midfield down to the bone.

We also saw the necessary stuff of the NWSL cleaning house from all the scum and dipshits that plagued the league. In total 4 ex-coaches were banned, 2 others were suspended, and teams were fined almost $3 million in total. It’s the changes that were long overdue, and I’m glad that the Sally Yates Report exposed maybe not all of what was wrong with the league, but hopefully most of it.

And now a look at what you need to know from each team’s offseason…

Angel City FC

I can’t remember seeing a team so badly plagued by the injury bug as Angel City was last season. Maybe just the 2022 San Francisco 49ers. Is it a California thing? I mean they seriously could not catch a break.

I think most people agree that Angel City should have a very strong 2023 led by the number one overall pick, Alyssa Thompson, who I think is still in high school. Which by the way, we’ve recently seen some NWSL teams sign some 15-year-olds to their team. How could Angel City ever expect to compete for a championship when they roll out that old bag-of-bones Thompson? Someone find her someone a retirement home already.

Chicago Red Stars

Somehow, someway, a Chicago Sports team is going to figure out a way to fuck up their team. Losing the entire midfield which consisted of proven veteran talent is NOT GOOD. Look, bringing in young talent is great. But Mal Pugh is in the Prime of her career and possibly on the brink of an MVP season.

Priority numbers 1, 2,& 3 should have been on signing Debinha. Imagine what could have been. Leave it to Chicago to not sign the big fish free-agent, again. It’s 2010 all over again!

Wave FC

San Diego year two can be phenomenal. We finally saw the Alex Morgan NWSL Season we’ve all been waiting for. Pair that with year two of Naomi Girma and Casey Stoney fits, and I don’t see why San Diego can’t compete for an NWSL championship. The real question is, what big steps can San Diego make, to becoming a threat to the favorites?

KC Current

For my money, the favorites to win the championship this season, the KC Current made incredible moves this off-season. They brought in one of the best players in the world in Debinha. They added half of the Red Stars midfield. They drafted like 50 rookies including Michelle Cooper who is my bet for rookie of the year.

I am really just surprised by what a team can do when the ownership and management team aren’t just sitting on their ass all day. They put in the work, and in a matter of months, have already become the gold standard on how a team should be run. Hats off to them.

Portland Thorns

I really think that Portland’s Season is determined by one thing and one thing only, is Crystal Dunn back? And I don’t mean back in the sense of a good player. I mean back in the sense of a GREAT player.

The amazing banger playoff goal aside, I can’t help but think about the amount of stress and physical demand Crystal will see this year can take a toll. Between club team, worrying about the national team during a world cup year, oh, and on top of all that, raising her child who’s not even 1 year old, I can’t help but worry for Crystal. And a Crystal Dunn not at the top of her game means trouble for Portland.

OL Reign

Does the OL Reign have a super team? Yes. Do they have quality depth on their roster behind all their stars? Yes. Do they have arguably the best coach in the NWSL? Yes. Is this team too good to be true? I don’t know. But maybe this is the year all the pieces fit in place. IMO OL Reign has the best odds to be champs this year.

Gotham FC

There are still a few unsolved mysteries that still exist on our planet like, what happened to Amelia Earhart, who the zodiac killer really was, and my personal favorite, will this 2023 Gotham FC team be any good?

It’s a fair question. There is no doubt they got significantly better by trading for Lynn WIlliams and Yazmeen Ryan. But I have my doubts about how Kelley O’Hara can actually contribute to a team that desperately needed to rebuild its defense.

Houston Dash

Here me out, Houston is set up to have an incredibly successful season this year. They somehow managed to bring in Diana Ordonez for pennies on the dollar. The offense this season should go boom this year. But I have no clue who this coach is. Is he any good? Can he make the front 3 work this season? What’s his fashion like?

Washington Spirit

Look, I by no means think that Mark Parsons is gods gift to coaching. But clearly, that other P.O.S. had his head up his ass all of last year. At the very least you know what you are getting in Mark Parsons. And with a healthy Trinity Rodman this year, the sky might be the limit for this team.

NC Courage

Nobody can rightfully argue that the Diana Ordonez trade was the right thing to do for NC Courage. Well, maybe Diana herself who, I think I read, asked management to be traded to Houston. The Courage had all the leverage in that trade and somehow they still managed to fuck it up.

So where does this leave the Courage? In the middle of a rebuild with a team full of young players. Take that as you will, but I see a rocky road ahead of them. I fully expect Denise O’Sullivan to be traded sometime this season.

Racing Louisville

I think there is no doubt that Jaelin Howell and Savannah DeMelo, can be an extraordinary duo in this league. We saw flashes of it last season. There were moments where Racing Lou looked like the best team in the league, and moments they looked like the worst team in the league and all in the same game.

I think if this team can play consistently for 90 minutes, we are looking at a playoff team.

Orlando Pride

Pffft. I’ve nothing good to say about the Pride. Maybe I should just stay quiet. But in true Lunacy fashion, WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING IN THE FRONT OFFICE!? How can a management team be this incompetent? I’m fully convinced Marta just marches on up to the management team with a written contract, says “sign here” and they do.

I don’t see how this team isn’t at the bottom of the table come Fall. Prove me wrong, but no chance they can compete for a title.

Well kids, that’s all I got for you. It went a little longer than I anticipated but oh well. Look at can’t promise that blogs will be any better than this, but I can promise you’ll, unfortunately, see more of me. Consider blocking me now IMO. Blog on the return to come soon.

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