“Boooo!!!” “You moron!!” “Germany Overrated?? Up yours!!” All these may be phrases you think of when visiting this website. It’s understandable due to the fact that I may be the least qualified to have an opinion on the WC. But it doesn’t stop daytime TV fools like Skip or Cowherd, so why the hell should it stop me. I have felt in a blogging spirit recently, and I’ve granted you the gift you didn’t want, Señor Bautista’s official PutinMania prediction. You see, I really could care less that my predictions are wrong or even remotely terrible. I do it for the love of the blog, and if you have a problem with it, then you can kick rocks.
Now, I know there’s a lot of speculation between your favorite political, “pundits,” thoughts on how the World Cup will play out. Most of them are being basic bitches and throwing the two favorites in the finals, Germany and Brazil. Though I think both have a really high chance of making the finals, the fact of the matter is that soccer is so unpredictable that even the very thought of things going as expected is nonsense. Take 2014 for example. England, Italy, Spain, Portugal, and Russia all failed to make it out of the group stage. In 2010, France, Italy, and North Korea were the laughing stock. No one could ever perfectly guess every single winner, because doing so would be a waste of time. That is why, I’m here to give you the prediction that you want to hear, not the ones you’ve already heard.
The “Biggest Choke-job” award
Voted to the tournaments biggest frauds. Sharing the award are Colombia and Russia. Because even though both are in groups that are very accessible for a knockout stage appearance, both will bow out after some shitty performances. Now Colombia and Russia are home to two infamous characters, Vlad Putin, and Pablo Escobar. But both guys are extremely different. One is a kingpin, narcoterrorist, that was a total hell raiser in the 80’s, and held a ton of corruption in his country, and the other is Pablo Escobar. Though both have Netflix documentaries, neither will be playing on the field this summer, which is why they’ll be PutinMania’s biggest choke artist.
The, “They Totally Shouldn’t be Here at All,” Award
Voted to the tournaments biggest overachiever. Toot-toot!! All aboard, the Poland Express! After years of being an irrelevant team since the early 1980’s, Poland will somehow fine itself in the Quarterfinals after defeating either England or Belgium in the Round of 16. Because both England and Belgium are like Manchester United, neither have shown up to the big matches. Lewandowski WILL be this World Cups leading scorer, and Szcesny will either confirm his place as Gigi’s successor or get himself a job at another top club. He’ll be one of the best goalies in this tournament.
The “Holy Shit! I didn’t know he was that good” award.
Voted to the player that’ll take a step from local town hero, to a Europa League Club. This award falls into the lap of Mr. Miguel Trauco, Peru. Yes, I’m totally not saying this only because my Peruvian friend has been hyping him up for months now. Totally. Will he reach a James Rodríguez level of breakout? Probably not, but it won’t stop him from balling out this summer, and possibly replacing that cheating fuck Paolo Guerrero as Peru’s best player. I’m mememing of course, but Trauco does look to have some great potential.
The “Yeah, but they got lucky though.”
Voted to the team that’ll win a game on pure luck. Here I go again with the trolling, and being a biased little prick, Mexico. Oh, why will they be lucky you say? Because they’ll beat Brazil in the knockout stage of course (lmao). Yes, I’m touts being biased right now, but Mexico on any given night can be the Most Overrated team, and the next night the Most Underrated team. Its weird the way it works but it just does. And there is no better time for Mexico to have a giant impact on the World Cup. This squad is filled with players in their prime, and some looking on the cusps of reaching their prime. Not to mention it’s filled with Gold Medal winners, and U-17 World Cup winners. The time is now for Mexico to win, because not only are they backed Millions home in Mexico, but apparently by Alexi Lalas and Landon Donovan, I can’t wait to see their faces when Mexico shits on Brazil while Alexi worries about beating TnT. And while everyone complains about them partying before the WC, I say let them party! Little sabermetric, last time the there was a partying scandal, Mexico promptly went and kicked Brazil’s ass for a gold medal. Si se puede.
The “He should be Ronaldo’s replacement,” award.
Voted to that one player that’ll ball out, and everyone will swear on their souls that he’d be the best to replace Ronny as Madrid’s face. Christian Eriksen. I wouldn’t necessarily call Eriksen a nobody, in fact far from it. I just think that he’ll have such an amazing performance, that his name will have a much bigger exposure like James had in Brazil. While rumors are rumors, I do think he’ll, “reportedly,” get offers from a giant club, like a Madrid or Barca, but it may fit him best to stay at Tottenham. Either way, everyone is going to love him after this summer.
And the winner is….
España!!!!!! Yes, 4 years after being the biggest disappointment before the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight, Spain is back to lay the smack down on everyone and they mama. With players like, Isco, Silva, Iniesta, Piqué, Xavi, Raul, and Puyol, nothing will stop Spain from crashing out of the group stage. Not even facing the GOAT this summer will stop them. Yes they’ll play Ronny and Messi, take that how you please. I’m sure the haters will say, “But their a completely different team without Del Bosque.” Well, I say that their a completely different team while wearing those FIRE🔥🔥🔥 red jerseys, and we all know, ‘Look good, feel good, play good.’
While I do have some even more scorching hot takes left, I do not want this blog to be too long, mostly because I’m too dumb to think of more words. So I’ll drop that Bracket down below. Yes there are 3 HUGE surprises, so send your complaints to @SenorBautista on the Twitter and I’ll educate you on why your wrong. Little over a week away, Let’s Gooooooo!!!!!!
