Now, as some of you know, or judging by the Nielsen ratings, most of you don’t know that the MLS is starting up today. I know what you’re thinking, “oh boy, how did I end up at this shitty website again,” but you’re also thinking, “I thought the soccer season started back in August.” You are correct in both of those sentences. Practically the whole world is merely weeks away from the end of their season Meanwhile, MLS has continuously made absolutely no sense with starting their season in March. Probably because Don Garber is too much of a coward to schedule some games throughout the NFL season. Imagine being an old, washed up, legendary superstar, transferring to the MLS and having to play from August 2017 to November 2018 because Don Garber isn’t man enough to face the NFL.
Anyway, the season will go on from March-November in which Toronto will face off with Seattle for the championship. It’s the equivalent of Golden State vs Cleveland, minus the tons of scoring. No seriously, I’d bet everything I have, that’s right, all $35 in my bank account, that Toronto will make the championship game for the third time. In fact, you don’t have to be an MLS expert to know that they ran the table last season. Toronto was so good last season, that if you put them in the Premier League, they would finish, almost in 19th place. That’s a pretty good feat folks. But let’s get to my failed predictions for this upcoming season because nobody would ever read a blog unless there is some sort of list.
Only in America could a Canadian team run the scoreboard on every team in a soccer league. That isn’t even their 5th best sport!
The Deion Sanders ‘Look Good, Feel Good, Play Good’ Award*
First of all, I’d be remised if I didn’t mention that Chicago Fire was in their 20th year as an organization, and came out with basically the same jersey as last season. Shame on you. It wouldn’t be a season preview if I failed to mentions who has the best uni’s this season. The Philadelphia Union’s home jersey this season is fan-fucking-tastic. Here’s to hoping that adding David Accam will help them play well because a new uniform can only do so much. Maybe they ride the adrenaline from the Eagles Super Bowl championship run. Who am I kidding, Americans don’t give a fuck about soccer. Sorry, Philly, the jersey’s are nice but the whole play good is going to take an asterisk on this one.
Inaugural Minnesota United Memorial, Worst Team of the Season.
It’s Minnesota United!! That’s right, the team for who the award is named after will win their own award. Why? Because last year they were absolutely terrible and made practically no effort in improving the team. Their biggest signing was a washed 35-year-old. And no, he was no superstar prior to signing, so why even bring him. It seems as though management is waiting for their stadium to be complete next season, to actually field a semi-decent team that doesn’t give up a league-high 70 goals. Sorry Heath, your career at Everton is much too distinguished to coach in Minnesota. See Ya.
Best Newcomer, Aka the Sebastian Giovinco Honour, of the Year
The Winner is Carlos Vela. There is yet to be a player to come into the league, and leave a mark like Sebastian Giovinco did in 2015. David Villa came very close, but Giovinco was on a different level in 2015. Carlos Vela comes in as LAFC’s basically only asset. Aside from maybe Feilhaber, this team is basically nothing. Yes, they have the Bob Bradley who led the Chicago Fire to the MLS and Open Cup on their inaugural year, but I don’t think there are enough players for him to get a good hold of the team. Nonetheless, Carlos Vela just might be the best Mexican National Player, even though that isn’t saying much, and is ready to take the league by storm. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him in that MLS MVP ballot. Sorry, Ezequiel Barco.
MLS Cup Champions of the League (Probably)
Atlanta United! Yeah, that’s right. As great as Toronto is, and it got better by signing van der Wiel, I like the atmosphere that Atlanta has built. Not only does it have the best coach in the league El Tata Martino, suck on that Vanney, but it has a cast of young and hungry players ready to win. After stepping aside in the playoffs to save the Columbus Crew from extinction last season, Atlanta is ready to win. A full offseason to work with one of the best coaches in the world will prove how great these young players will be. Last season, Atlanta finished just behind Toronto on goal difference with a rocking +30 having scored a monster 70 goals. Aside from that, the culture that Atlanta has grown is second to none. They ditched the stereotypical MLS signings of old washed up Legends, and brought in good young South American players, that if we’re being honest, should be in Europe. How will they get past Toronto you say? Easy, this sport is 60% skill and 40% luck. A penalty called here, an offside called there, Atlanta will get passed Toronto and beat Seattle 3-1 in the MLS Cup. Book it.
That’s it. 700 words are far too much to talk about a 3rd tier soccer league. Remeber we got Champions League coming up next week, as well as my World Cup squad predictions you so much look forward to. Until then, tweet me @SenorBautista and incorrectly tell me about how Toronto is going to win it again this year. Enjoy the sweet sensation of Sebastian Giovinco free kicks Deuces.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRkqII2JVWk]