Guess what people, we did it!! We made it all the way through a summer of international soccer, and the regular season is in full go. Yes, I have been gone, this is true. But, no harm has been done, because nobody actually reads this shitty blog. Nevertheless, soccer does not stop for any man. It isn’t going to wait for you, and it sure as hell won’t wait for me. The people need their news, and whether or not you are reading, I will fucking give the people their NEWS!!
Aaahhhh!!! What better way to comeback, with a fresh website design, new logo, and also a recent addition to Instagram, then after an international break. We are only a couple months away from PutinMania 2018. 9 months to be exact. So unless you want to spend next summer locked up at work, you better go out, and get you a lady pregnant, just in time to spend your World Cup days on paternity leave. And with the WC draw coming up in December, we are into the final stretch with teams leaving their blood, sweat, and tears, and middle fingers (shoutout Dele Ali), out on the field. Let’s get into our RYG of the international break.
Goals-
Let us start off with our Les Bleu camarades. Last Thursday, they bent Netherlands over on their knees, and spanked the orange outta them. This put France up top, and allowed Switzerland to sneak past Holland into that 2nd place spot. All of that was capped off with a beautiful volley by one Mr. Thomas Lemar, who thankfully enough, did not end that night in an Arsenal uniform. Our second goal is for Peru. They leave the break with 6 HUGE points, and sneak their way into the top 5 after both Chile and Argentina failed to play meaningfully this time around. Big ups to Edison Flores for netting 2 of Peru’s 4 goals this break, including this wonderful one against Bolivia. The Penultimate goal is the Spain. Better than that, we award it to one player in particular. A young 25 year old, whom I believe, will not be in a Real Madrid uni by this time next year. A player who has been just a big as an impact in the UCL run than Ronaldo did. This award to the phenom named Isco. He went and, BALLED out vs Italy on Saturday. He scored 2 beauties on Gigi Buffon. Spain is officially back, and Isco is legitimately their star. Our last award is for all of those that booked their ticket to Russia. Congrats to, Japon, Mexico, Belgium, South Korea, and Saudi Arabi. I look forward to not seeing any of you in the finals, and I hope you enjoy your time in the under developed hotels.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-YgqMVnw1c]
Yellow Card-
Yellow Card number 1 goes out to Argentina. In a world where Argentina forwards grow on trees, it absolutely blows my mind that only 1 goal was scored in 180 minutes. Not good, not good at all. It’s the fourth quarter of qualifiers and Argentina is choking their chances away. Now was the time to put a beating on last placed Venezuela, and to sweat out a W vs Ururguay, but no. God forbid we have to actually put the ball in the net. How hard can it be to coach Dybala, Di Maria, Icardi, Pastore, oh and Lionel “the Goat” Messi? Be better Sampoli, you aren’t playing Granada, it’s the big time now. The second yellow is for the good ole US of A. It’s gut check time, and we can’t even get 3 points out of Honduras and Costa Rica. For the love of god, somebody take some leadership, and out the US on the soccer map! Sad outing by Arenas and crew. Bring on your lunch pails for October because Panama will not just lay down and let us have our way. Claw and scratch your way to Russia, but just do it.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgIpJ9l0ONU]
Red Car-
Only one red card necessary. They boys in Chile need some help. I guess you can say, things are getting, a bit, spicy. Lose to Brazil? It’s possible. Uruguay, or, Colombia, or, Argentina, sneaking a W past you? Also possible. Playing vs Paraguay and Bolivia and getting a total of 0 points out of it unacceptable! This isn’t a friendly where you can give a goose egg willy-nilly. This is the fucking World Cup! Get your shit together, or watch the World Cup from your mamas basement, because we don’t want, your soft-served Vanilla ice cream asses in Russia!! Good day!! I said GOOD DAY!!!!
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVrT2O-gzag]