Suspected ACL tear. Scan in the morning.
— Steven Goff (@SoccerInsider) February 16, 2020
Yeah, this is just a giant Hot Take…
Hear me out, DC United is a talented team, but they’re actually not. I know it sounds shitty, but like, they’re just not that good. I’m gonna go more “in-depth,” if that’s what you can call it, later on in this blog but, for now, we’ll go over the basics. Like how important Wayne Rooney was for this team and blah blah blah blah blah, is the coast clear? Is all the MLS media police gone?
Good. So let’s actually talk about why losing Wayne Rooney and Lucho Acosta is actually good. To keep it short, they stunk. Well, in the later quarters of the season. Acosta was a shell of himself after PSG just bailed on him. And Rooney really wasn’t Man Utd Rooney after he figured out he wouldn’t return to DC this year.
A glimpse of hope thwarted by inconsistency and Detective Wayne Rooney
The Good: I don’t know if DC United fans felt themselves more than the time they beat Atlanta United in Matchday 1, 2 nothing. That win basically locked them into the Eastern Conference Finals battle with Atlanta. But expectations got too high. Injuries ensued. And well, shit happened.
The Bad: The offense stunk. 42 goals. 11 scoreless games. Only Cincinnati and Vancouver had fewer goals. What was it? Lucho crying himself to sleep every night? Wayne Rooney too busy trying to find the rat on his wife’s Instagram? Not enough Bennyball? Whatever it was, it stunk!
DC United’s Spongebob Gif
Yikes! The DMV deserves better. I wish I could say DCU would be in the playoffs, but I just don’t see it. I think Ben Olsen will hinder them. I’m sort of realizing that maybe I ranked them too low, but there is no going back now. Gotta die on my hill I guess. Anyways, DCU isn’t exactly the scariest team out there. The East will be a blood bath, and I’m not convinced Olsen is the guy to get them through it.
Offseason Moves
I like the trade for Gressel. When opportunity comes a-knocking, you gotta throw some TAM money at it. Good for Julian. He went out of his way to ensure the bag. I also love MLS teams sucking Liga MX dry of some really good talent. Orejas Flores is no pushover. A great replacement for Lucho. And the return of Yamil Asad. Last time he was in DC, he did this
https://twitter.com/HotSpotSoccer/status/1018295894922280960?s=20
Starting XI
I’m hoping a full season of Kamara is gonna do this team wonders. I’m not actually sure whether or not Asad will slide right back into the starting lineup. As I write this, Arriola is supposedly gonna get an MRI on his knee which is never good. If even at the best-case scenario, he’ll miss some games, and Asad will no doubt see some starts early. Worst case scenario, Arriola misses a lot of time, and Asad plays a lot of games. Not a win-win, but they have their coverage no matter what.
I’m not sold on Brillant. Not that he is bad. Au contraire, him and Birnbaum were a dynamic duo. But father time is undefeated, and the guy behind him, Donovan Pines, is like a 20-year-old monster of a man. I think eventually Pines should be in that lineup eventually.
Betting Odds
I’m actually kinda scared of these odds. All DMV fans are gonna take this for its value, but I just don’t see them winning it, regardless if they make the playoffs or not. BennyBall isn’t a championship-winning ball, and anyone that disagrees can kick rocks.
Best Watches
I think those last 4 weeks for DC are killer. Chicago won’t be a pushover this season, then @LAFC, @NYFC and Home to Atlanta. Big fucking yikes. That week 1 matchup with Colorado will be very VERY interesting. It’ll be a measure of what each team’s identity will be this year. And then July 4th. A day dedicated to ‘Merica Fuck YEAH! Day drinking, fireworks, and MLS Soccer! A tradition like no other. A hopefully Olsen-less DCU vs maybe a De Boer-less ATL?
Predictions
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFOracFClBg?start=19]
DC United has two paths this season. One where this team plays lights out makes the playoffs and probably plays for the eastern conference championship. The other? The other is a part of my pea-sized brain. Where Ben Olsen just shits the bed, every day for a half-season, gets the ax, and the team finishes a couple spots out the playoffs because that fiery hell that is the end of their season. Sure it’s a hot take. But money isn’t made with lukewarm takes. And I want that Mo-ney!
Hey! If you hated this blog! You’re gonna hate the next 25 blogs! Be sure to check them out as I count down each MLS team from worst to first for 2020.