19. FC Cincinnati Will Redeem Themselves For 2019. Well, It Can’t Be That Hard TBH

 

It doesn’t take an MLS expert to know that Cincinnati just stunk at sports in 2019. Bae Rose Lavelle has kept the city from collapsing on itself. Let’s review Cincinnati in 2019. The Reds just went their 6th season in a row going below .500. The Bengals were a dumpster fire of a team. 2-14. The laughing stock, last place of the league. And somehow, FC Cincinnati was WORST than that.

I need FC Cincinnati to turn it the fuck around. You can’t waste a perfectly good fanbase, capable of filling out that new stadium coming out next year, on back-to-back last-place finishes. You want to keep a fanbase, yeah maybe try not to give up 75 goals.

 

P. FUCKING. U

The Good: That it’s over.

The Bad: Everything. The defense. The WHOLE summer. Fanendo Adi. All of it. Burn it to hell.

Cincinnati’s Spongebob Gif

Cincinnati should do everything in their power to show all their love to Locadia. Someone who many believe has been the best transfer/loanee to come to the MLS this season. I want to believe that, I really do. Locadia will be a finalist for Newcomer of the Year. But he won’t do enough to win it.

I almost went with a different gif that would have poked fun at the whole situation with the coach, but this website isn’t a social justice thing. I don’t get paid the big bucks to make socially important statements, so I won’t start now.

Offseason Moves

Clean house, I like it. Start fresh. There was no other option. Not many franchises can recover after such an embarrassing season. The suits decided, “yeah fuck all you,” and just scraped half the team. Apparently, Pettersson is supposed to be this beast of a defender alongside a respectable Watson. Kubo is said to be the next great Japanese athlete in America behind Ohtani and Hachimura I guess. And Locadia, what can I say, he should be a baller for them. I’m genuinely happy to see an executive board actually give AF about the team on the field.

Starting XI

It’s basically an entirely different team from 2019 opening day. Deplagne and Waston survived the team overhaul. I don’t know if Richey really earned a starting spot, it was more like a, “well, I guess your our starter now.” Like a designated survivor type of thing. I can’t wait to see Locaida and Kubo play together this season. I’m also interested in seeing if Frankie Amaya will have a spot this season. Realistically he could start over Regattin who’s very new to the team, but I just went with all new players because 2019 was ass.

Betting Odds

+8000 via Bovada

Hell, these are good odds for Cincy fans. Just imagine it. FC Cincinnati had an over .500 year. They clinched the playoffs and found themselves with a very winnable tournament. Joe Burrow is looking like the clear favorite to be ROY, and the Reds are playing in October.

Okay now, WAKE UP! I’m thinking I had you until that last line. No chance the Reds have any meaningful games in September. Burrow will probably be a ROY contender but in another jersey. And FC Cincy… FC Cincy isn’t deep enough to win in the playoffs. Reality hurts like a bitch.

Best Watches

It’s tough when your 2020 season has to suffer because of your 2019. Like when the high school you fucked over college you. FC Cincy only gets 1 nationally televised game. Against Columbus no less. Don’t know about the numbers going into that one, regardless of how well either team is doing. They get the beginning slot of the Sunday games for week one and luckily don’t have to clash with a riveting XFL game. Sheesh, what a disaster that is huh?

Week two’s matchup with Atlanta United is a good matchup to feel out how the team will fare against good opponents. With no offense given to RBNY, but, their offseason hasn’t really ruffled anyone’s feathers. And a classic rematch of old USL buddies. Nashville and Cincy were living the good life, dominating the USL opponents on the daily. A rivalry that will either be a sight to see, or a shitshow galore.

Predictions

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFOracFClBg?start=19]

I really am stuck on deciding if FC Cincinnati is good enough to fight for a playoff spot. One side of my brain says, “Locadia will be a beast, and fight for the Golden Boot.” The other, “Locadia will fight for the Golden Boot and the rest of the team will suck. Well, not 75 goals conceded suck, but a 10 spot nonetheless.”

Hey! If you hated this blog! You’re gonna hate the next 25 blogs! Be sure to check them out as I count down each MLS team from worst to first for 2020.